Feasting on Faith

Boaz Gaon has been in our home exactly one week!! These days have been filled with shrieks of laughter while being chased by brothers, coloring and building blocks with sisters, morning walks in mama's backpack, and trying new foods!

There were also midnight bottles, sleeping on the floor, and Bo crying uncontrollably; slapping our comforting hands or faces, throwing things, & refusing to be held.

Luke said to me one day: "Look; how would you feel if you thought your entire family was dead? Because as far as Boaz knows, that's pretty much what happened." 

"One day he was happy, living with the foster family he knew and loved; the next, he's living with strangers. And he had absolutely no say in what happened to him."

But even this truth can stretch compassion thin when an angry 20 month old is screaming in your face, refusing to be consoled in a tantrum that can last anywhere from 5 to 30 min.

In these moments, I admit it's easy to think; is this what we're in for? All this grief and pain unleashed all over us without notice, sparked by an unknown trigger in this little one's body?

I don't want to give the impression that it's always like this... for the most part,  miraculously,  Boaz is a cheerful boy with a winsome attitude and plays well with others.  He engages with every member of the family and exhibits bright intelligence and curiosity. He's attaching well to his forever mama.  He's truly a joy!

But honestly,  he's also a grieving little baby who is trying to sort out the events of the past few weeks and his level of coping is under great stress.  

Helping him work through this transition time has the additional challenge of 4 older brothers and sisters; each with needs of their own.  For instance, Boaz throws a fit anytime Susi ("ooh-ma")  gives affection to any member of the family.  (Even to Luke!)

If one of his sisters climbs on mama's lap,  Bo will yank a handful of her hair to file his complaint.  If the boys cuddle with mama to read on the couch, he tries to take the book away so the brothers can't see it.

At bedtime,  or naptime, he refuses to fall asleep unless Susi is beside him. He keeps his hand on her arm & raising his head to check & make sure she's still there!  

His territorial behaviour can be annoying and even hurtful at times. In moments when his little survival instincts compel him into overdrive, we remind the children (and ourselves!) that this little guy has lost everything he ever knew.

His world was shaken several times; when birth mom relinquished him to Holt. Then, after over a year with a loving foster family, when he was whisked away by a strange, overly excited, couple to a new home: 2x in one week. 

Out of all the minor adjustments our family is making,  surely his transition has been more radical.  And as his parents, we often find ourselves mirroring his helpless confusion as we struggle to read his needs and see through his behavior to the pain underneath. 

Honestly; if we hadn't taken years of Empowered to Connect training, attended adoption conferences, & listened to the wisdom and experiences from several adoptive-parent friends, we'd be having one or two crying jags of our own!!

During these moments of just sitting on the floor watching our sweet baby boy wail in his grief,  knowing to reach out to him will just incite his angry rejection of offered comfort, the enemy likes to sneak doubt in our minds... (enter snake - voice, here:) 

"See? He'll always reject you.  What were you thinking, trying to step in and fix his world? You don't have a clue what to do right now... I bet your other kids hate you for bringing him home..."

But as quickly as those doubts creep in, Truth blazes through in a Voice louder and stronger than any scoffer. "See? I am doing a new thing... he knows you love him because you're still here and you're not going anywhere... I AM the healer of all brokenness... I WILL heal his heart..."

After his tantrum subsides, Boaz reaches out his arms for a warm hug. With sniffles, & precious pawing-away of tears with his cute baby hands, he joins in with the family again... welcomed back with smiles and cheerful brothers & sisters.  

Right now,  we've been reading through "You and Me Forever" by Francis and Lisa Chan. Their book blows other marriage books right out of the water; mainly because they don't focus on the marriage.  They write the most about our personal relationships with Jesus Christ and how following in His footsteps as individuals first, and then as a couple, is what makes a terrific marriage.  

As our faith has been tested and strengthened throughout this adoption,  Chan's words are so affirming.

"We can be sure that we are heaven - bound if we trust in Jesus. But God blesses us even further - He promises to reward any sacrifices made lovingly for His kingdom (Mark 10:28-30). In fact,  it is impossible to please God unless we believe in His rewards. 

"Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him. (Hebrews 11:6)"

Chan writes earlier; "Believers on a mission are going to look a little crazy to most of the world..." (check.)

Just as we've adjusted our family's expectations on how long we'll need to slow our schedule in order to help Boaz acclimate, we've also adjusted our "normal" child parenting routines. 

When Boaz reaches out to stake his claim on "ooh-ma", mama quickly captures his hand and shows him how to gently stroke his sister's hair or his brother's face. 

We put Bo to bed before the other children.  This gives him the exclusive time he wants with mama, while the other Schurters get to wrangle with Daddy or have quiet time with puzzles/books. After Bo drifts off to sleep,  mama gets her read-aloud couch time with the older children.  (No little hands snatch away Homer Price!)

We're all adjusting.  We're all on various levels grieving what once was.  But God is strengthening our faith.  He's multiplying His goodness.  He's right in the midst of our new family.  Thanks for praying!!