New Eyes 2018

As we write this, a soft snowfall is right on time for Christmas Eve. There is something so silent and pure about the first snow of the season.  The crisp clean air is both invigorating and soothing.  White drifts cover indiscriminately; making the drab winter earth beautiful. It reminds us of the analogy of Grace in Psalm 51:7: "...wash me, and I will be whiter than snow." 

Here we are at the end of another year already! Next week, 2017 will be ushered out as 2018 comes sailing in. Now is the time we look back and reflect on the highs and lows; but most importantly, the lessons we learned. As imperfect image bearers of Christ, we regret the times we did not represent Him well. We give God glory for opportunities we thankfully didn't squander.

Our hope is that in 2018, we'll even more closely walk out the mandate of Ephesians 5; to "...be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma."

The Internet is buzzing with year-end recaps of every kind. Plenty of commentators are talking about what history was made (and is still being made) in 2017. From athletes & sports teams to election cycles; men and women everywhere proved their worth through commitment and hard work.

History is made by nations & leaders; people in positions of power who will be remembered for their good, evil, or indifference: the insignificant and the significant.

Regrettably, while there were many marked changes and triumphs in our own nation in 2017, there were also notable changes made that transform what was once known as a "shining city on a hill".

The Statue of Liberty is inscribed with the words: "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Those promises will now no longer be true for our many persecuted brothers and sisters in Christ who are part of the human tide that is the greatest refugee crisis in the history of the world.

Our free nation was founded by immigrants; developed by the manpower of immigrants, and cultured by history, art and literature of immigrants. The powers-that-be and a large segment of the population (that alarmingly includes many Christians) have thrown their weight behind the slowly closing door of freedom and safety for those who need it most. 


In a me-first, wholly self-centered society, how quickly we forget that our lives are held in the hand of God. Our very breath is a gift from Him. The freedoms we enjoy as people with power, money and influence, have been given to us to bless others.

Matthew 24:12  "Because of increased lawlessness,  the love of many will grow cold."

While arguments against admitting refugees appear to be well grounded on the surface, the term "fake news" coined earlier this year largely applies to way the migration crisis has been reported in the western world. 

A threat of terrorism is virtually a non-issue since refugees undergo the most stringent vetting process in the United States (i.e. terrorists wouldn't attempt to enter the US as a refugee). Never in history has an act of terror been committed in the US by a refugee: let alone by a Syrian. Over half of the world's refugees are children under the age of 18. The majority of refugees seeking safety in the United States are women & families who need the safety and new start our land of opportunity can provide. 

The "America First!" mantra has been a seeping poison into the hearts and minds of Christians across the Nation for years. This self-preservation has risen to a frenzied height that shockingly echoes from another dark era. It clouds our ability to make moral choices and eliminates compassion for humanity: all who were created in the image of God and who are loved by Him.

This isn't the first time our "beacon of hope" was snuffed out. Looking back, most of the immigrants denied entry to the United States during WWII tragically met their death at the hands of Soviets and Nazis. This list includes Anne Frank and her family who were denied refugee status and died in a German concentration camp. It should shake a slumbering self-centered culture back to the reality of where this new nationalistic climate can lead.

"For the LORD your God is God of gods and LORD of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality nor takes a bribe. He administers justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the stranger, giving him food and clothing." - Deuteronomy 10:14

During this season, the world largely remembers a young family awakened in the middle of the night with horrifying news. Their ruler was slaughtering thousands of baby boys in hopes of cutting off the Messiah wrapped in the body of a newborn baby. The terror that couple must have felt as they quickly gather their things and fled, now refugees, on a long journey through the night to Egypt; not to return until this murderous King died years later.

The Bible doesn't say much about their time in Egypt, nor the years spent no doubt with Joseph working very hard to care for his family's needs with his Carpenter trade, while young Mary tried to assimilate as best she could with her young son into the new culture. Were they embraced with compassion or driven to the shadows of society? The Word tells us Jesus Christ has experienced every trial and tribulation we encounter on earth: of course He understands the plight of the refugee. 

We look at our world and shake our heads, lamenting with Jeremiah in ch. 16; "They have healed the brokenness of My people superficially, Saying, 'Peace, peace,' But there is no peace." 


Thankfully we can trust the God of peace who is always with us... He knows the beginning to the end of 2018 and holds it all together in His omnipotent hands. With Him in charge, we have nothing to fear!!

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

Our prayer for 2018 is that we will find a renewed sense of compassion to be the hands and feet of Jesus. That we realize when we stand before the Throne God will not ask what our nationality was on Earth; nor how well we looked to the interest of our own selves. What will matter is how much we poured out our lives for God's glory... 

Matthew 25:34-40

“Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’

Wishing you a blessed New Year and a Merry Christmas that lasts throughout the whole of 2018!

Books we're currently reading and highly recommend...

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

5 Kernels of Corn...

It's a bright blue sky shining on orange pumpkins and brown leafless trees outside our window; making it the perfect Thanksgiving morning!

The children enjoyed listening to this radio drama; the story of the first Thanksgiving.

As I listened during my thanksgiving meal prep, I was overwhelmed again by the redemption and forgiveness in this historic account.

The native American Squanto, who had lost so much personally, was sent along with another Indian Samoset to observe the Pilgrims. After that first harsh winter, when over half of the 102 pilgrims had died, they had built their homes in the shelter of the very location where Squanto's tribe had been the day he was kidnapped by British slave traders.

I don't think we Americans realize after generations of our watered-down version of the Pilgrim story, how many truths from our earliest history are repeating themselves today!

There was much slavery puportrated by the early discoverers of America; kidnapping the Indians & taking them back to Europe to put on display and sell as boughten goods. It's horrifying to think of the disease that swept through the unsuspecting tribes; plagues brought on by travelers from long sea voyages from England and Spain.

But the other startling fact to remember is that the pilgrims themselves were refugees! That little band of Puritans escaped religious persecution first in their home country and then when they tried to assimilate in Holland, found that their persecutions followed them.

Finally, in their desperate wish to live in freedom and practice their faith as they chose, voyaged to a new rugged land filled with unwelcoming inhabitants and harsh living conditions.  My heart broke again for the story of the women and children who suffered during that voyage and during the first brutal winter where they were ill prepared in every way for the elements of Massachusetts.

As Squanto observed them in their squalid conditions, watching them bury their dead, his heart took pity on them. He was even able to forgive the Englishmen though their countrymen had been the source of his own persecution just a few years before.

It is evident in our early American history that God had His hand in the hearts of men; turning the Native Americans toward the English refugees at a moment when they so desperately needed assistance.

I just finished reading the memoir "Dear World" by Bana Alabed. This book is so riveting, I actually read it in one afternoon and evening... I couldn't put it down!

The displacement of families in Syria and many other parts of the Middle East and Africa has rendered the greatest migration of human beings globally since World War II.

As we gather around our table with our loved ones today, enjoying delicious meals that represent the harvest and bounty of blessings in all our lives, we'll remember our earliest beginnings. We will look at the 5 kernels of corn beside each plate: a symbol of the meager food rations - literally 5 kernels of corn per person - that the tiny band of refugees endured that first winter.

They pilgrimaged into an unknown future,  trusting in a Known God; leaving intense persecution for a life of hope and a future of religious freedom for their children.

We'll also be remembering our Christian brothers and sisters who even now are making their own pilgrimages; searching for a place of safe haven to raise their families under religious freedom.

Let's all open our hearts and maybe even our homes as Squanto did, to those who are so foreign from us; those who don't eat or dress the same, look the same, or sound the same. Squanto looked in from his own place of personal difficulties & had compassion: and then stepped in to help and assimilate these newcomers to his beloved land.

Have a compassionate Thanksgiving!
With love from all of us - the Schurter family

Crossing the finish line

Most of the races we remember have triumphal endings. The finishers propel themselves through the tape in cadence with exuberant cheers and applause of onlookers.  It seems as though somewhere toward the end of the race, they gathered up what remaining strength they had left to end the race strong.

Other finishers stagger across the finish line looking blearily around for faces they recognize, water, and a place to collapse and rest their weary legs. Some runners even cross the finish line only to double over and immediately begin to vomit all over the track.

Our official finish to the paperwork side of our adoption seemed to be a lot more like that of the latter runners.

This past Monday, Luke and I traveled with Boaz up to Chicago to appear in court for the final paperwork portion of this adoption.

We had researched several adoption attorneys in our area and ended up deciding the most financially conservative decision would be to go up to Cook County where a lovely woman name Denise Patton advocates on behalf of adoptive families.

Denise is an attorney with 20 years of experience in adoptions; and as an adoptive mother herself, has the compassion and understanding to simplify what could have been a fairly complicated adoption process in the State of Illinois.

Our adoption agency doesn't consider the adoption finalized until we have we re-adopted Boaz in our home state; ensuring he has Illinois birth certificate, final adoption decree, and other paperwork that makes his life much more seamless in the future.

We have been going so strong for so long during this massive paperwork process... traveled over three weeks in Korea between August and September... and now a trip up to Chicago... I think it's finally starting to catch up with us. In short, we grown-ups are pretty exhausted! I feel like we staggered over the finish line on Monday.

It was a fairly breezy drive up to the Daley Government Center.  We arrived in time to check out a donut shop across the street and pick up a box for the other children who were enjoying the day at home with Grammy.

Boaz did great in the adoption playroom.  We were number 5 on the court call,  so waited our turn.  It was fun to watch a particularity exuberant group who came to support the adoption of a 3 year old little girl.  The shining eyes and smiling faces of the well wishers gathered there spoke volumes about the value of each little life.

It's so important to embrace life beyond voting Pro-Life in the ballot box...  To truly be "Pro-Life" is to support and advocate on behalf of the least of these little ones after their mamas have chosen to carry them full-term.

We joyfully stood before the judge when our names were called and "re-adopted" Boaz into our family under the State of Illinois law.  Boaz got to choose a Beanie Baby stuffed animal from a basket and a baby - safe sucker to eat.

We were impressed by the smooth experience and can't recommend Denise highly enough for her professionalism and personality.

After a few more fun photos, we followed her down to the County Clerk's office and waited a few minutes for our judge sealed adoption decree.

It was honestly such a smooth day,  that I was silently pretty proud of ourselves.  I packed Bo warmly in my Onya child carrier ♡ and he was content even in chilly windblown downtown Chicago. Little did I know the wheels were about to fall off this happy train.

Luke had scoped out the area online beforehand and surprised me by walking us around the corner from the Goodman Theater to a nice Italian restaurant (he knows those are a favorite of mine!)

After we were seated and Boaz was happily eating cheerios and sipping a bottle of formula, Luke needed to go move our truck. We'd timed out the $14 parking spot he'd booked online.

No worries.  I ordered our delicious lunch and settled in for the celebration of adoption paperwork finale!!

Then the unthinkable happened.  A parent's public scrutiny nightmare.

Bo must've swallowed the water I was spoon-feeding him wrong: he started to choke and then threw up. Not once.  Not twice. Three times.

There were a few other tables filled with groups enjoying conversation and glasses of wine in the 3 o'clock hour. To my knowledge, amazingly, they appeared not to even notice.

I patted Bo's back, loosely holding a brilliantly white cloth napkin in front of his mouth, rolling it up as he filled it. Poor little guy lost it all.  I grabbed cloth napkins, even snapping the napkin out from under the bread in the basket like a magician. I hissed at Luke to start handing me diaper wipes.

He had been sitting across the table staring in horror. It was like a train wreck: you couldn't look away but were completely helpless to stop the damage.

I took Bo to the ladies room to clean up, and couldn't help but laugh when a calm and balmy French love song greeted my ears.  It was a gorgeous bathroom with marble counters and fine furnishings. As I wiped down my sweet little boy, who was now content and grinning at me, I was thinking,  "Of course! This day was definitely going too good to be true!"

Isn't that how it goes sometimes?? There I was, floating along on a cloud, feeling a little nostalgic like a roaring 20s celebrity in a beautiful restaurant with my best friend and young son... who had just thrown up all over the experience.

Needless to say we hastily finished our late  lunch and made a quick exit; Luke lamenting his $31 parking fee after moving the truck, and then of course we then hit rush hour traffic.

Bo screamed half the way home because he hated being in the carseat... worked himself up so much that he threw up again... all over his carseat... and so ended our day in Chicago! And our new life with Boaz officially began.

You can bet as we were driving home with a screaming toddler covered in his own spit-up on a congested highway, taking three hours on a trip that should take two, we grumbled about the difficulties of adoption.

It isn't always pretty. It isn't always fun. In fact it can be downright messy! When you choose the hard and sacrifice so much, it's tempting to question why God allows such inconveniences and frustrations on days when we should feel joy and elation!

It reminded me very much of our dear friends Bob and Kristi who gave up all their worldly possessions, leaving family and friends and chose the hard for the sake of bringing Christ's love to the hurting people of South Sudan.

While their excitement and exuberance propelled them across the ocean, upon arrival Bob began to suffer with an unexplained illness: severe fatigue and high fevers that doctors could not explain (this later turned out to be a severe case of Mono).

During those times when Bob felt deflated and even depressed on the mission field, he shared how God walked with them through the wilderness of this experience that had such a joyful beginning and descended quickly into confusion, frustration, and pain.

My friend Marianne wisely said "discouragement must be one of Satan's favorite tools against Christians."

We start out so strong! We feel so on-fire for the Lord's will for our lives as we read the Word. We begin to walk out His precepts and then suddenly we're sidelined by setbacks! Isn't everything supposed to go smooth when we're following His plan?!

It's easy in these moments to become self-centered and feel sorry for ourselves. But praise God we look back and see His fingerprints over every step of the way!
He hasn't abandoned us or the mission He has us on. In the rough moments He literally carries us because we are too weak to continue on in our own strength!

We've crossed the finish line of the official adoption and have begun a new race of adoptive parenting.

It is with great joy but utter humbleness that we continue this journey; knowing that in our weakness, our strength is perfect when we rely on His strength to finish well!

Innocence vs. Ignorance

"Mommy? Was I adopted?"

"Why did God choose you to be Bo's mommy?"

"Does Boaz miss Korea?"

"Did you and Daddy always want to adopt?"

These questions posed by our older children blossom from a place of sweet innocence and curiosity. 

The questions and comments we've received from "big people" are a lot more pointed. 

"Did you stay home the first month to make sure you guys weren't carrying anything from over there?"

"Does he have any infectious diseases?" 

"Boaz had all his vaccinations, right?"

It can be slightly awkward to politely navigate these and other questions. I resist replying, 'Do you really think my son and I would be sharing a meal side by side with you if he had an infectious disease?'

Or 

'You've clearly never experienced the rigors of paperwork and scrutiny we've received from the U.S. immigration system, trying to bring an orphan into this country...'

But I take a step back and try to ascertain where their questions actually stem from, I realize most of them are asked out of fear that is rooted in ignorance.  And that speaks to a level of isolation the American Church often cultivates.

In many ways, the American Church is effectively insulated from harsh realities of real pain and suffering not just outside our Country, but right outside our doors.

How many times have you heard the words "trafficking" and "human slavery", in your pew at church? Slavery isn't just a dark scurge of the past: yet I'm embarrassed to admit I was in my late 20s before ever hearing about this existing evil. 

Human trafficking isn't just a 'round the world problem: it's a backyard problem.  According to the Polaris Project, out of the estimated 9k illicit massage parlors in the U.S., 300 of them are in Illinois. Illegal businesses selling human beings are right here in central Illinois. 

We're living in a time with the largest scale refugee crisis in human history. Millions of families - families; fathers and mothers who want exactly what every parent in the American Church wants for their children: safety and a future - are literally walking out of their homes and don't stop until their feet either give out or find a place of refuge. 

These millions are migrating due to wars,  religious persecution,  slaughter by terrorist groups,  crippled economies, famines, plagues & natural disasters. They migrate because some place, any place, has to be better then where they are. But will Christian brothers and sisters around the world open their doors?

Christian Alliance for Orphans estimates there are 153 million orphans in the world today.  That's a staggering amount of babies, children, & youth thirsting for a forever family to love and share life with them. 

Over 280 million people in the United States alone profess to be Christians: so why are so many still orphans? We all can name secular groups and celebrities who are reaching out in tangible ways to change these statistics: why isn't the Church of self - proclaimed Christ followers leading the charge?

I think I know why it took so long before I was really made aware of these realities: because many of us were raised in an insulated Christian society. 

After all; "We don't go to church to hear about the bad things going on in the world." 

Really? What's the pupose of attending a church? Most churches in America would probably agree we attend church to worship God & learn to become "more fully devoted followers of Jesus. "

But if we're following Jesus, then let's follow Jesus! 

God bless those who give their time and resources to ministries in the Church that serve the poor, orphans, widows, & people who skirt society without acceptance from all the "nice people".

Church, we need to wake up. This isn't  just ignorance: this isn't following in lockstep with Jesus. 

It's so easy to believe in America that the purpose of the Christian life is to live in a clean safe neighborhood, have enough insurance and to live a current lifestyle. (Oh; and ensure godly men and women were elected to positions of power.)

None of those goals are wrong in and of themselves.  But if that's our priority, then it rings as hollow as the posterity gospel to those hurting around us. Where do we spend most of our time, energy and resources? To preserve the "utopia" in which we've been born?

If we truly believe we've been put on earth "for such a time as this", then we'd use our power, wealth and authority as United States citizens to speak up for those who cannot speak up for themselves. (Proverbs 31:8-9, Isaiah 1:17)

Following Jesus should compel us to dig into the gospels and find out where Jesus went.  What He did and who He ministered to. Where did He spend His time? (It wasn't always with the "nice people".)

Jesus stopped to speak with prostitutes.  

Jesus avoided the hangouts of the pious religious figures of His day to routinely break bread with sinners. 

Jesus embraced those no one dared go near and changed the lives of those living in every kind of bondage. 

Jesus lived 33 years without clinging to the trappings and luxuries of this world and choose to walk the hard paths of the unpopular and unloved. 

We're not the only ones who struggle to see like Jesus... His own disciples often failed to see the needs around them!  Jesus had to continually remind them to welcome foreigners and strangers in their land, to care for the little ones, and help the needy. 

Choosing to walk like Jesus is not always safe or tame. It requires effort to shatter the bubble that prevents us from drawing close to those who are really hurting; those whose lives are far messier than our own.

Too many American Christians seem more preoccupied with whether or not athletes stand up for the National anthem then for standing up for those who have no voice. 

If the Church as a whole doesn't embrace the real reasons for which we've been born in this place and time in history, and truly loves as Christ loves; if we don't choose to face down evil in the power of the Holy Spirit and educate ourselves about what that looks like, then is it any wonder that Christians have exchanged their innocence for ignorance?

Empowered to Connect

Well we've been home nearly a month with Boaz and can honestly say that while the learning curve has been steep and rugged at times, the Holy Spirit speaks hope daily into our lives; giving us grace and encouragement moment by moment!

Boaz and Eden take a rest by the lion habitat

We are so thankful that we put in the time over the past several years to receive Trust Based Relationship Intervention (TBRI) training through Empowered to Connect conferences, as well as the adoption conferences we've attended in the past.

Having this knowledge from Texas Christian University professors who are child psychologists and study how children develop and grow from the moment of conception, has proven invaluable as we try to decipher the needs of this sweet little one.

It can be a challenge to constantly think of TBRI responses, but we're doing our best; taking him back to the basics of feeding him bottles, rocking him at night when he wakes, responding to his cries swiftly because that's how our babies attached to us!

I (Susi) admit that giving Boaz the care he needs has been, at times, exhausting. It takes constant mental effort on my part to see past the 20 month old wearing size 2t clothes running through the house, and respond to him as if he were a much younger baby.

He has missed so much: hearing the sound and cadence of my voice in utero for 9 months, being cradled and held with eye contact from birth, & having one consistent caregiver. This little one has endured great loss several times.

Some of the best advice I received from an adoptive dad was "give yourselves the freedom to parent your children differently."  It is so true!!! Of course we love Boaz with the same deeply committed & unconditional love as we love our biological children. But to think we can parent an adopted child in the same manner we parent our biological children, is simply ignorance.

Bo's reactions stem from deeply rooted experiences he's had in his young life that have impacted the way he views his safety, felt needs, and surroundings. He sees the world around him through a completely different lens than our bio children do and regardless of his young age, his past - beginning in utero - affected his brain development and his outlook on the world around him.

The hope we have from God our Creator, is that the brain can heal! And it is backed up solidly by science discovered and developed by Texas Institute of Child Development. Children who experience hard beginnings, can overcome with the caring attention of a loving caregiver who responds to them with TBRI principles. We can see, even just a month into our family, the leaps and bounds Boaz is making in progress (Susi even thinks he's grown in height since he's been home!)

Chilling at the water cooler during a friend's wedding reception.

It's special to see how our children, especially the girls, take good care of Boaz and look after him ... albeit sometimes is a little overly protective! Last week we threw caution to the wind and took a family trip to the St Louis Zoo to celebrate Liberty's golden birthday - she turned 5 on October 5th.

Boaz screamed much of the first hour of the drive because Susi was unable to hold him (they don't have car seats in Korea) so the trip probably wouldn't have made it into the TBRI manual of recommendations, but after handing Bo her phone with a YouTube Korean kid's show, he settled right down.

It was a great family trip overall! We walked through the zoo, stroller laden with snacks and lunch, armed with bottles and diapers, & Boaz enjoyed it too.

It was incredible to see the majestic creatures up close in the beautiful enclosures the St Louis Zoo. God's handiwork is beyond description ... we see it everywhere! It is such confirmation that we are frail human beings. We need God moment by moment; not just during adoption journeys, but in everyday life circumstances that are equally challenging,  painful, and shape our outlook on life.

It has been a unique privilege and blessing to see God's creation at work in all of our lives as we continue to bond as a new family!

Because we couldn't say it any better right now,  we're linking to this excellent, honest post by Brandon Clements entitled "Why Adoption is Supposed to be Hard". It's most definitely worth the read!! 

(Thanks,  Marianne,  for sharing it with us... way back when we had no idea how adoption would change our family's perspective!)

I'm a man and I can change...

Remember the line from the Red Green show on public TV? "I'm a man and I can change, if I have to, I guess".  Despite resisting that for 10 years of marriage, I have finally given in. 

Attachment has been a challenge for Boaz and I since he came home. I feel deceived! Especially after we had those good times together on our first visit, laughing and playing together. And the "bonding" on our second trip, working through his initial grief, finding a few special things that made him laugh and giggle. And spending a few extra days together before we came home to join the rest of the family. I thought we had something going here!

Well, as you may have read from Susi's earlier post things have changed slightly...majorly. Boaz does have good times of play if he's in the right mood and we've had a few good moments just between the two of us. But for the most part Boaz is very attached to Susi...and very NOT attached to anyone else. 

We have a special wakeup routine (morning, afternoon, or middle of the night); Boaz wakes up, looks around, starts fussing, gets up, starts crying, leaves his room, starts howling. At this point most parents know to pick up their child and give them a hug, however when I do this Boaz flips out even more, thrashing and arching his back, screaming louder than ever. So it becomes a race to get to mom ASAP and try to reassure him that I will spend NO time trying to console him, but speed him to who he really cares about!

Now as the man of the house I am the designated "problem solver", so you can imagine it's frustrating to attempt to solve the problem of my little buddy that I carried around happily in my arms and on my back for a week in Seoul only to find out he'll have none of it! 

So after trying a few different techniques that all resulted in total meltdown, I've resigned myself to the statement, I'm a man and I can change, if I have to, I guess. And as I reread through some of the Empowered to Connect principles from classes we have taken, some understanding calmed my nerves.  

They recommend parents stay home a full 30-40 days to aid in the transition and consider the first 3 months critical for an adoptive child to attach to any caregiver, so we're doing pretty good with him attaching to Susi!  

He is just past the age, 8-12 months, shown by research to be most difficult for a child to transfer to a new country and culture. There is a need behind the behavior; he is developing trust in us like a newborn infant does, "I matter because when I cry, my parents come and meet my needs" (even if it is just a hand off to Mom).

So I've calmed down and learned some lessons about a few different things:

Pride: I think I can do it all, that my ability and knowledge will enable me to figure anything out. Wrong! Due to the way things are it's just not so with Bo. I'm going to have to be patient and put in my time of calmly and gently responding to him "voicing" his concerns in order for him to attach to me.

Selfishness: I guess I expected some reciprocal affection from Boaz. I've gone to all this effort to bring him home and took time off work to try and ease the transition. And I have given, given, given to and for this little one. Karyn Purvis' Empowered to Connect resources reminded me that while we have been anticipating this change for months or even years for some, it all came quite suddenly and unexpectedly for the child. Whoops, seems my true colors have shown again.

My heavenly Father: Wow! God must look down at me after trying to work all things for good in my life (Romans 8:28), seeking me constantly regardless of my demeanor toward Him (Matthew 18:12), being patient with me (2 Peter 3:9), just wanting to enjoy me and me to enjoy Him (Luke 15:20). Giving, giving, giving to and for me only to have me push Him aside, prioritize other things, and seek out comfort from different places. He must be jealous for my affection as well! 

Duct tape: Like Red Green says, it fixes everything! But, I don't think using it to help Boaz attach to me would be a good idea...

Feasting on Faith

Boaz Gaon has been in our home exactly one week!! These days have been filled with shrieks of laughter while being chased by brothers, coloring and building blocks with sisters, morning walks in mama's backpack, and trying new foods!

There were also midnight bottles, sleeping on the floor, and Bo crying uncontrollably; slapping our comforting hands or faces, throwing things, & refusing to be held.

Luke said to me one day: "Look; how would you feel if you thought your entire family was dead? Because as far as Boaz knows, that's pretty much what happened." 

"One day he was happy, living with the foster family he knew and loved; the next, he's living with strangers. And he had absolutely no say in what happened to him."

But even this truth can stretch compassion thin when an angry 20 month old is screaming in your face, refusing to be consoled in a tantrum that can last anywhere from 5 to 30 min.

In these moments, I admit it's easy to think; is this what we're in for? All this grief and pain unleashed all over us without notice, sparked by an unknown trigger in this little one's body?

I don't want to give the impression that it's always like this... for the most part,  miraculously,  Boaz is a cheerful boy with a winsome attitude and plays well with others.  He engages with every member of the family and exhibits bright intelligence and curiosity. He's attaching well to his forever mama.  He's truly a joy!

But honestly,  he's also a grieving little baby who is trying to sort out the events of the past few weeks and his level of coping is under great stress.  

Helping him work through this transition time has the additional challenge of 4 older brothers and sisters; each with needs of their own.  For instance, Boaz throws a fit anytime Susi ("ooh-ma")  gives affection to any member of the family.  (Even to Luke!)

If one of his sisters climbs on mama's lap,  Bo will yank a handful of her hair to file his complaint.  If the boys cuddle with mama to read on the couch, he tries to take the book away so the brothers can't see it.

At bedtime,  or naptime, he refuses to fall asleep unless Susi is beside him. He keeps his hand on her arm & raising his head to check & make sure she's still there!  

His territorial behaviour can be annoying and even hurtful at times. In moments when his little survival instincts compel him into overdrive, we remind the children (and ourselves!) that this little guy has lost everything he ever knew.

His world was shaken several times; when birth mom relinquished him to Holt. Then, after over a year with a loving foster family, when he was whisked away by a strange, overly excited, couple to a new home: 2x in one week. 

Out of all the minor adjustments our family is making,  surely his transition has been more radical.  And as his parents, we often find ourselves mirroring his helpless confusion as we struggle to read his needs and see through his behavior to the pain underneath. 

Honestly; if we hadn't taken years of Empowered to Connect training, attended adoption conferences, & listened to the wisdom and experiences from several adoptive-parent friends, we'd be having one or two crying jags of our own!!

During these moments of just sitting on the floor watching our sweet baby boy wail in his grief,  knowing to reach out to him will just incite his angry rejection of offered comfort, the enemy likes to sneak doubt in our minds... (enter snake - voice, here:) 

"See? He'll always reject you.  What were you thinking, trying to step in and fix his world? You don't have a clue what to do right now... I bet your other kids hate you for bringing him home..."

But as quickly as those doubts creep in, Truth blazes through in a Voice louder and stronger than any scoffer. "See? I am doing a new thing... he knows you love him because you're still here and you're not going anywhere... I AM the healer of all brokenness... I WILL heal his heart..."

After his tantrum subsides, Boaz reaches out his arms for a warm hug. With sniffles, & precious pawing-away of tears with his cute baby hands, he joins in with the family again... welcomed back with smiles and cheerful brothers & sisters.  

Right now,  we've been reading through "You and Me Forever" by Francis and Lisa Chan. Their book blows other marriage books right out of the water; mainly because they don't focus on the marriage.  They write the most about our personal relationships with Jesus Christ and how following in His footsteps as individuals first, and then as a couple, is what makes a terrific marriage.  

As our faith has been tested and strengthened throughout this adoption,  Chan's words are so affirming.

"We can be sure that we are heaven - bound if we trust in Jesus. But God blesses us even further - He promises to reward any sacrifices made lovingly for His kingdom (Mark 10:28-30). In fact,  it is impossible to please God unless we believe in His rewards. 

"Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him. (Hebrews 11:6)"

Chan writes earlier; "Believers on a mission are going to look a little crazy to most of the world..." (check.)

Just as we've adjusted our family's expectations on how long we'll need to slow our schedule in order to help Boaz acclimate, we've also adjusted our "normal" child parenting routines. 

When Boaz reaches out to stake his claim on "ooh-ma", mama quickly captures his hand and shows him how to gently stroke his sister's hair or his brother's face. 

We put Bo to bed before the other children.  This gives him the exclusive time he wants with mama, while the other Schurters get to wrangle with Daddy or have quiet time with puzzles/books. After Bo drifts off to sleep,  mama gets her read-aloud couch time with the older children.  (No little hands snatch away Homer Price!)

We're all adjusting.  We're all on various levels grieving what once was.  But God is strengthening our faith.  He's multiplying His goodness.  He's right in the midst of our new family.  Thanks for praying!!