Well we've been home nearly a month with Boaz and can honestly say that while the learning curve has been steep and rugged at times, the Holy Spirit speaks hope daily into our lives; giving us grace and encouragement moment by moment!
We are so thankful that we put in the time over the past several years to receive Trust Based Relationship Intervention (TBRI) training through Empowered to Connect conferences, as well as the adoption conferences we've attended in the past.
Having this knowledge from Texas Christian University professors who are child psychologists and study how children develop and grow from the moment of conception, has proven invaluable as we try to decipher the needs of this sweet little one.
It can be a challenge to constantly think of TBRI responses, but we're doing our best; taking him back to the basics of feeding him bottles, rocking him at night when he wakes, responding to his cries swiftly because that's how our babies attached to us!
I (Susi) admit that giving Boaz the care he needs has been, at times, exhausting. It takes constant mental effort on my part to see past the 20 month old wearing size 2t clothes running through the house, and respond to him as if he were a much younger baby.
He has missed so much: hearing the sound and cadence of my voice in utero for 9 months, being cradled and held with eye contact from birth, & having one consistent caregiver. This little one has endured great loss several times.
Some of the best advice I received from an adoptive dad was "give yourselves the freedom to parent your children differently." It is so true!!! Of course we love Boaz with the same deeply committed & unconditional love as we love our biological children. But to think we can parent an adopted child in the same manner we parent our biological children, is simply ignorance.
Bo's reactions stem from deeply rooted experiences he's had in his young life that have impacted the way he views his safety, felt needs, and surroundings. He sees the world around him through a completely different lens than our bio children do and regardless of his young age, his past - beginning in utero - affected his brain development and his outlook on the world around him.
The hope we have from God our Creator, is that the brain can heal! And it is backed up solidly by science discovered and developed by Texas Institute of Child Development. Children who experience hard beginnings, can overcome with the caring attention of a loving caregiver who responds to them with TBRI principles. We can see, even just a month into our family, the leaps and bounds Boaz is making in progress (Susi even thinks he's grown in height since he's been home!)
It's special to see how our children, especially the girls, take good care of Boaz and look after him ... albeit sometimes is a little overly protective! Last week we threw caution to the wind and took a family trip to the St Louis Zoo to celebrate Liberty's golden birthday - she turned 5 on October 5th.
Boaz screamed much of the first hour of the drive because Susi was unable to hold him (they don't have car seats in Korea) so the trip probably wouldn't have made it into the TBRI manual of recommendations, but after handing Bo her phone with a YouTube Korean kid's show, he settled right down.
It was a great family trip overall! We walked through the zoo, stroller laden with snacks and lunch, armed with bottles and diapers, & Boaz enjoyed it too.
It was incredible to see the majestic creatures up close in the beautiful enclosures the St Louis Zoo. God's handiwork is beyond description ... we see it everywhere! It is such confirmation that we are frail human beings. We need God moment by moment; not just during adoption journeys, but in everyday life circumstances that are equally challenging, painful, and shape our outlook on life.
It has been a unique privilege and blessing to see God's creation at work in all of our lives as we continue to bond as a new family!
Because we couldn't say it any better right now, we're linking to this excellent, honest post by Brandon Clements entitled "Why Adoption is Supposed to be Hard". It's most definitely worth the read!!
(Thanks, Marianne, for sharing it with us... way back when we had no idea how adoption would change our family's perspective!)
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